Excerpts From The Diary Of Itachi Uchiha
by ChoiSeungHyun110487TOP
Summary: It's a shame that Itachi barely has any screentime. But he left us a diary to read before he died. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Naruto.

--

Entry 1

_I can't believe it. I killed my clan, spared my brother, and became a missing-nin in just one night. _

_...And I left my baby brother a HUGE compound and with taxes to match. I wonder if he's gonna pay them or the Hokage's gonna let him off the hook._

_~ Itachi._

--

Entry 2 

_Today's my first day in the Akatsuki. And I don't like it one bit. When I was a kid, I thought the Akatsuki was the coolest evil organization ever. _

_But hell, I was way off. They are all retards. I don't want to go into detail. Oh, and my partner's Kisame Hoshigaki._

_~ Itachi-sama, coolest guy on Earth_

--

Entry 3

_My partner's Kisame Hoshigaki. He has this sword that 'cuts chakra'. Of course I didn't believe him, what kind of sword does that? It's bandaged.  
_

_The sword even has a name, Samehada. What the hell? That is so not cool. Sharkskin? What-ever. Who names a katana? My partner, I guess._

_I locked him out earlier, so I can write. He's giving me a migraine with that knocking. I'm yelling at him right now. Trust me, you don't wanna see what I'm yelling._

_And now he's using his sword to open the door. Too bad. The door doesn't have chakra. HA. Take that Kisame!_

_WHAT A DUMBASS._

_~ Itachi._

--

Entry 4

_Great. Leader-baka is telling me to wear purple nailpolish. Ew, really. I think he's gay._

_I looked at everyone's fingernails and oh joy, they were painted. Oh, well. I don't have a choice, so I'll just wear it._

_Okay, I'm done now, and _OH MY GOD, MY NAILS LOOK HORRIBLE!_  
_

_~ Itachi, the person with ugly nails_

--

Entry 5

_So I met this girl named Konan. I thought she was cute, but turns out she's not my type. And she's Leader-baka's girlfriend. She's the only female here. I wonder how she survives in a cave full of guys._

_I hate everyone here. They're all on my hit list._

_~ Itachi, the only bishounen in Akatsuki_

--

I'm gonna write 5 entries per chapter, so...yeah. Haha LOL.

R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Naruto.

--

Entry 6

_I met this chick Deidara. Oh, wait, he's not a girl. It's confusing, really. He has blonde hair, blue eyes, and he covers his left eye. She - I mean he - looks like a Malibu beach babe, save for the fact that he's a man. But I don't like him!  
_

_He's kinda weird too. He says 'un' at the end of his enjoys blowing up things, and is obsessed with art and explosions._

_Sasori is Deidara's partner. He's a puppeteer himself. When I say that, I mean he's a puppet. How could he do that? I mean, you have to practically dissect yourself. That's scary. I'll ask him about it._

_Tobi's in my room. I gotta stop writing.  
_

_~ Itachi, the only sane one in Akatsuki_

--

Entry 7

_So, Tobi came in with house paint and painted my room pink with blue polka dots! Hmm, reminds me of Sasuke and his pink-haired classmate._

_Anyway, the paint was horrible. The colors mixed and...you get it. The paint dripped on my bed and on our family picture. Yeah, I brought it with me._

_Konan came, changed the bedsheets and gave Tobi the scolding of his life._

_Then I went to sleep. O/_\O Weird, I know._

_~ Itachi_

--

Entry 8

_I spent the morning painting my room and cursing. Well, the hard work paid off. I painted it black with red lining. I even put the Uchiha symbol on it._

_Hidan came in and saw my handiwork. He said it was awesome. He even called the entire Akatsuki to look at my 'art'._

_When they saw it, they just gaped at the wall. What, haven't they seen anything like it before? I guess not.  
_

_Then Deidara blew up my room. He said that there's no art better than his. Sasori's puppet glomped him._

_Of course I screamed._

--

Entry 9

_I forgot to mention Hidan. He's a religious freak._

_When I was getting ice cream from the fridge, he walked up to me and asked what my religion is. I said I don't have one, and he offered to convert me to his religion, Jashinism. I said no, of course. He asked me why, then I said I'd rather convert to Christianity. He ran to his room, screaming curses._

_Kakuzu is, well, a freak. I don't know what his specialty is, so I just labeled him as a freak._

_Zetsu is a bipolar man-eater. He's also a Venus flytrap. It's strange; aren't they supposed to eat flies? That's why they're called flytraps...but whatever. And he has two halves; one is black and the other is white._

_I think I'm in the wrong group. I'm supposed to be in Akatsuki, but I'm in Akatsufreak._

_~ Itachi, the only one who's not a freak_

--

Entry 10

_Allow me to introduce Tobi. He's a kid trapped in an adult's body. He's so hyper, it drives me insane. He's addicted to Spongebob, which makes Konan 'Pearl', Kisame 'Mr. Krabs', Deidara 'Patrick', and I am 'Squidward'. _

_He's a total dunce._

-

R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Naruto.

--

Entry 11

_Okay, I was like, sobbing my eyes out. But I got over it, because Leader-baka ordered for it to be rebuilt. Yay me! _

_Now I'll talk about my roommate, Sushi Man. He's not that bad most of the time, but he is when I eat sushi in front of him. He flipped out and attacked me with his fluffy blue sword. I pity his sword. It doesn't deserve its owner: SUSHI MAN. *crying for the sword* Okay, I'm over it._

_~ Itachi_

_--  
_

Entry 12

_God (whoever he is) chose to toss the world's most weirdest people together and mix them together like salad._

_Speaking of salad, I saw Zetsu talking to himself...oh, wait, he's bipolar. I was wondering, since when can plants walk, talk, fight, and devour people? I had an adventure into Zetsu's room last night. It was like walking into a rain forest. He's tolerable most of the, until he gets hungry. Then it's time to avoid him before he starts eating anything in sight. What is he anyway? _

_Scratch that. I don't want to know._

_~ Itachi, the vegetarian  
_

--

Entry 13

_It's been a month since my last entry. I remembered that the Kyuubi was in Konoha, so I only had to locate one other to fill my quota for this mission. I located the Ichibi in Suna. Kisame has been assigned to be my partner in capturing them. _

_This might be quite interesting..._

_~ Itachi  
_

--

Entry 14

_My mission was put off! Damn Leader-baka._

_On the bright side, I was allowed a vacation. I spent today sneaking over to Hana-chan's house to visit her. It's been a while since I'd seen my girlfriend. We spent the whole time quietly pulling pranks on Kiba. He was so...oblivious to the pee balloons. LOL _

_Erm..mind you, the pee were from Hana's dogs._

_~ Itachi, the one who didn't pee in the balloons.  
_

--

Entry 15

_Today is the last day of my vacation. I think I'll spend it somewhere I can be alone. This place has no privacy every time I start to enjoy myself. What the hell should I do?!_

_Today Pein-baka decided to do some decorating. We all painted our rooms. I painted mine with the design I used previously._

_That reminds me. I'll ask Sasori about his body._

_~ Itachi, who is not a puppet  
_

--

R&R!


	4. Chapter 4

Entry 16

_I asked Sasori about it at breakfast.._

_He almost killed me. Right now I have a crushed wrist because of his Iron Sand, a broken ankle from running, and a ROARING stomach, because I missed breakfast._

_Life is great. _

_~ Itachi, possibly crippled for life.  
_

_--  
_

Entry 17

_Oh, goody. Konan healed my injuries and fed me. But look at the dark side. She put my whole body - except my right hand - in a cast so I can't move._

_And she grounded Sasori. He's now chained to his bed, with all six of Pein-baka looming over him. Ha._

_But still, being in a cast is MUCH better than that, right?_

_Right.  
_

_~ Itachi, the un-grounded.  
_

--

Entry 18

_Yeah, so I can't move. I'm writing with my unbroken hand, and Kisame's holding the diary for me. I love that Sushi Man! _

_Not in gay way, get your mind out of the gutter._

_So, tonight is Poker Night. I'll be out of these casts later to enjoy myself. Sasori, however, will be still chained to his bed. _

_Yes, Pein-baka will bring the bed to the living room. Weird.  
_

_~ Itachi, who loves Sushi Man because of his kindness  
_

--

Entry 19

_Last night was horrible._

_A gay snake-man was there, Tobi vomited all over me, Kisame chopped off Pein-baka's hand, Deidara blew up the forest we were in, and...let's just say that I was the only one who remained sober.  
_

_Sasori didn't drink too. Well, he's chained to the bed, duh._

_That was weird. I took maybe...five bottles of sake and I didn't get drunk. The others had their max at three._

_I am so AWESOME!  
_

_~ Itachi, the sober one  
_

--

Entry 20

_I carried them all to their rooms last night...and I stink really bad. Worse than Sushi Man._

_They punched my lights out this morning when they found out I carried them to their rooms. Assholes!  
_

_~ Itachi, who smells like puke  
_

--

R&R!


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